whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
