Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
