hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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