About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
