just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
