You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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