So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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