you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
