i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
