Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
