its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
