he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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