woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
