mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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