I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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