I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
