But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
