My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
