Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
