just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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