It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
