Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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