Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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