the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
