Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
