Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
