no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
