You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
