he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have fence marks all over my body
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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