YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
