I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
