wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
