she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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