You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
