Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
