I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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