Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
