No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
