thus making me awesome and them whores
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if only i could text you this smell
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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