Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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