first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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