Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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