Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
