Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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