Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
