Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
