Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
