Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
