let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize