I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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