just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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