if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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