we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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