Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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