Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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